Joan L. Published Feb 4, 2016
Clinical Mental Health Counselor and founder of Save Your Marriage in 90 Days
Unlike plastic surgery on our body,
restructuring our brains is painless and insanely cheap.
Neuroscience has found that the human brain is extremely “plastic.” It can keep changing and reforming over a lifespan. This plasticity creates virtually endless possibilities for rewiring the neuronal patterns in our brain. The cool part about our plastic brains, is that we don’t require a surgeon to create the change!
What that means in real life is this: We can actually change certain aspects of our brain through effort. So, how do you do plastic surgery on your mind?
1. Understand your brain. Your brain is both your servant and your master. Whatever you introduce consciously will be returned to you both subconsciously and consciously. To a significant degree, you can determine what messages are imprinted strongly on your brain if you know how to do it (read on!). After imprinting your brain, your brain will spontaneously return those impressions back to you with little effort. Your feelings and thoughts will shift naturally to the new pattern.
2. Identify your negative thinking. Just as a physician locates a problem area that needs attention, you can identify negative self-talk and unhealthy beliefs that need redesigning or even removal. Jot down the “voice” you hear in your mind just before you feel a negative emotion. Did you just tell yourself that you are a screw-up? Did you just tell yourself that you are worthless if you fail? Document these negative thoughts so they can be targeted for excising. Choose one negative thought to eliminate.
3. Brainstorm replacement thoughts. Create at least two or three options to replace each negative thought that you documented. But here are the rules for choosing a thought replacement:
It has to be true. Your mind will want to reject ideas that don’t feel true. Don’t say, “I’m the best pianist in the world!” unless you have won a few international competitions.
It has to be kind. You don’t want to pattern your mind with negativity, because you will get negativity back, right? So even though “He’s a jerk” may feel true, it doesn’t work as a thought replacement because it isn’t kind. Instead, try something like, “He had a rough childhood. He’s in a lot of pain.” Can you feel your emotions shift to compassion rather than rejection?
It has to be empowering. Don’t get victimy. While it may be true and kind to say that your mom is “doing the best she can and might never change,” you don’t have to think, “So it’s hopeless to try anything new.” That’s disempowering. You won’t want to use that as a replacement thought.
4. Choose one new thought. When you review the replacements you generated, you will “feel” one that seems really right for you. Inside, you will sense a little “that’s it!” feeling which identifies a good replacement. If that feeling is absent, then brainstorm some more.
5. Activate the new thought. The three important factors to activate the new pattern are:
Intensity of effort. Every coach knows that yelling will activate faster than soft speech. Let your passion and intense desire show! Don’t just mumble your replacements. Command them! Don’t just scribble a post it note, slash paint onto a poster. Don’t just text someone, grab them in a bear hug and give them a high five!
Number of modalities. The more ways you input the message, the more powerful the imprinting on your brain. Specific ideas below.
Length of time. Whenever we have a new response to an old stimuli, some parts of our brain set off alarms. This might be an adaptation to warn us that the change could be dangerous. Unfortunately, it can leave us with a feeling of discomfort, unease, or “feeling fake.” Don’t worry, that is just your brain trying to protect you from the unknown. It gradually dissipates and as time passes, and you continue the new response, the new pattern will feel more natural and comforting.
6. Ways to Activate.
Speak it. Say it at least ten times a day --- especially after the old thought pops up. Whisper it. Yell it. Sing it. Chant it.
Write it. In the old days, teachers would have students write phrases repeatedly to change behavior. The reason it didn’t work is because the student didn’t buy into it. But it will work with you. Handwriting is more brain changing than typing because it activates more modalities (see 5b above). So repeatedly write the new thought in your journal with some variations if you want.
Hear it. Record yourself saying the new thought and listen to the loop at least 10 minutes a day. Find a theme song that incorporates your new attitude and listen to it—a lot. Listen to podcasts with the same theme. Watch movies with the same themes.
Feel it. While you are saying (or thinking) your new thought, pair it with a feeling experience. Breathe deeply, get in a hot-tub or bath, get a massage, lay in the warm sun, run in place, pet your dog, kiss someone. All while you are repeating your thought. Your brain will be very impressed!
Act it out. Drama is a great way to repattern our minds. Act out the new thought alone in your room. Put all the feeling you can into your speech and actions. Now, if you have a best friend, act it out with them (but they have to really get into it). After that, do what you can to act out the thought in real life. Fake it till you make it is actually good neuroscience!
See it. Envision your new thought in your mind’s eye. Make up a scenario in your mind and fantasize about your new reality. Make this imagery as powerful as possible by incorporating all five senses into the scene. Do this at least once per day. Consider getting it tattooed on the inside of your eyelids. (Just kidding—please don’t do that!) Make a Pinterest board or other Vital Vision board in your room/office/computer that has images of your new thought. Study this (not just glance at it!) at least twice per day.
Share with others. Explain to another person how you are making this transformation in your life and teach them the concepts that you are learning. Teaching and explicit sharing are great ways to re-pattern your thoughts. That’s part of why 12-step groups are effective.
Relax into it. Learn to get yourself into a relaxed state and then input the imagination, speaking and hearing modes. When you are relaxed, your defenses diminish and your mind is more accepting of the new patterning. Do this at least once per day.
This is the way to perform a negative thought-ectomy. It takes some effort, but after even a couple of weeks, you should notice a big difference in your thinking patterns. You’ll be freer to move forward positively and naturally. Then, if you spot another negative thinking mode, you will know how to do plastic surgery on your own brain!
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